I Begin Again...

Here are a few journal entires I've written about my weightloss journey. Now, I plan to blog rather than hand write them.

Written: 10.23.11

On 9.26.11, I began AGAIN a weight-loss journey.

I'm sick to death of beginning again and again and again. My effort and results have never been enough to keep me going in the right direction. I want and desire but I never really get there. My motivation in life has been sitting at zero for an unhealthy amount of time.

My husband is currently deployed. He left in July. The kids & I went home for the summer, where I packed on a few more pounds. One day while back home, right before leaving to return to England, I stepped on the scale. I was weighing suitcases and thought I might as well check the damage. It said...
160.

The heaviest I've ever been in my life! With the goal of losing ALL my weight before my husband returns...I now had 40 pounds to go! Yet, in my mind I kept thinking I only had 25 to lose. It was a very rude awakening. My weight chart showed a 10 pound loss for a 2 month period...not a promising start.

However, I did not start recording or paying attention to my weight & food until 9.26.11. When I look at that, I've lost nearly 7 pounds in a month. Still not as much as I'd like to see, however it is a loss! And if I can do that by paying attention, what can I do in November? If I only lose 7 pounds in November, I will be disappointed BUT it will still be a loss. I want to lose more than 7 pounds a month. I want to be as close to my goal, if not there by January. I want to shock my husband and I want to enjoy shopping, be proud of the way I look and most of all I want to be healthy.

Written: 10.24.11

7 pounds in a month is not an unhealthy weight-loss. If I lost 2 pounds a week, that would put me at 8 for the month. So even though I'd like to see some higher numbers - I know I'm not being unhealthy. If I have lost 2 pounds a week then today when I step on the scale it will read 149.4 What ever those red numbers are that show up, I know they will set the mood for my day. I will either be through the roof excited or discouraged, pissed off, and determined. That's just how I work. So guess I'll go see which it is gonna be...

148.20!!!

-9.2 pounds since 9.26.11
-11.8 since 9.1.11

I am .8 and 2 days shy of a month of losing 10 pounds in 30 days. I'm below 149! I am offically in the 140's club :) Now, I have to work my way out and into the 130's club. I will weigh in again tomorrow a it is my goal day. The possible goals I set out to reach (at least one) are:
152.4 - 1 pound a week
147.4 - 2 pounds a week
142.4 - 3 pounds a week
137.4 - 4 pounds a week
132.4 - 5 pounds a week

These are goals I could reach, depending on how I eat and exercise. Obviously 4-5 a week is not that healthy, but having a 4-5 pound loss once or twice would be pretty awesome! I have accomplished the 1st goal. I would need to shed .8 by morning to reach goal #2. I do that that is a possiblity, one I'm hoping and praying for. I really wanted to see 145, but given today's weigh in I do not believe I can in a healthy fashion drop 3 pounds in 24 hours. So if it stays at 148.20 or anywhere in the 147 range I will be so excited!

I have -28.2 pounds to lose until I reach my final goal. I have the last week of October, all of November and December and possibly the first week of January left before David returns. I am hoping and praying to have reached my goal of 120 by January 1st. It will be harder come December 12th as I will be headed state-side. I will have to be very careful and need lots of prayers to maintain and continue to lose.

When I look at my goal sheet I know it is actually possible to reach by December 12th. I'm also hoping and praying for that!

Why?

So I can go shopping state-side and be even more determined at Christmas to keep it off. I wouldn't want to screw up so close to his return.

Written: 10.25.11

149.60

YUCK! Not what I wanted. I knew eating out for lunch was BAD! Not only that now I have to restart my Raw diet week challenge. Seen it on Biggest Loser and decided I could eat raw food for a week.

Written: 10.26.11

I'd really like to weigh myself this morning to see if yesterday had any effect on my weight-loss. However, if I do and it didn't it will be very discouragign. So I'm setting my resolve and refusing to weigh in until the 31st. What did I do yesterday? I walked Roxie approximately 2 miles, worked out on the Wii Fit for 1/2 an hour, and went for another 2 mile walk with Lady, Betty (we're dog sitting) and the kids. I was really feeling it in my hip last night. I thought, "Oh no, I've made it hurt again." So I took some motrin and the only pain I'm really feeling this morning is in my calf.

I get awful leg cramps. I can't stand them. I wish I could make them go away! I'm thinking about doing the 5K Breast Cancer walk on Saturday the 29th. The kids & dogs can go. Although, I'd be afraid to take Roxie. She might not handle all the people that well, but anyone who brings a dog has to have it on a leash - so she might be okay. No other dogs would be running up to her, scaring her and the social experience might be good for her. I know the exercise would be good for all of us and the money goes to a cause that is near to my heart. My friend JW has been fighting breast cancer since January. She is doing well, but I'd walk it just for her. I want to do these walks, runs and things but I do not wish to make my leg worse. So I'm still debating. I'm going to discuss it with the kids. I wish "JH" or some of the M2Mer's were here to walk it with me or us.

I had a salad for lunch with dressing made of Olive oil, fresh lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. It was really good.

Written: 10.31.11

147.4

What a huge disappointment! And here I thought I'd done so well. Lots of fresh veg. Lots of fruit. Little dairy, little carb and I only lost .8!!! My heart sunk and I just wanted to scream, "You've got to be kidding me!" I even walked at least 2, 5K's this week - what good did they do me? For that matter what good did the fruit & veg do? I really wanted to see 145!!! 146 would have been okay, but 147 - seriously?

I can not be reaching a plataeu yet... I can not! I've a goal to reach and I'm running out of days to do it in. If anything this measly little loss has pissed me off. Yes, it discouraged me greatly, but I have to remember it was a LOSS, not a gain.

Tomorrow is the start of a new month. I plan to push myself really hard this month. I want there to be a big enough change in me by the time I go home that my family can see it. There are 30 days in November and 11 after that before I head state-side. That's a total of 41 days. One day shy of 6 weeks. If I lost 2 pounds per week, I'd be at 135.4 Just 15 pounds away from my goal of 120. If I got lucky and 3 pounds per week I'd be at 129.4

So my goald for where I want to be in the next 6 weeks is to be some where between 135.4 and 129.4. 132 would be the perfect number. It is reachable and done at a healthy rate, I think.

I've signed up for the HIIT class on base. High Intensity Interval Training. I hope I like it. I hope I come to love it as they say I will and I'm still praying that I do not puke! Which they also say will happen. The class is 3 times a week M/W/F @ 10:30. My first class will be Nov. 4th Friday. Then I have the weekend to recover from what ever they do to me. On the days I am not at the gym it's Jillian Michaels to the rescue! If I can handle it, it might be her every day and the gym. We will have to see how it goes.

Also, I'm not sure I can but I am highly considering lacing up my shoes, putting my ipod on, and attempting my first run down the bridal path. Slow and steady, see how far I can get. Then continally try to go further each time. The HIIT class should help me to do just that, I think. I'll explaing more and why I want to run in the morning. First, I require sleep. Tomorrow...WILL be better.

Written: 11.1.11

Running. I thought about it today. I should have at least tried it today, but I didn't. There's a quote that talks about if you think about something more than once you should probably be doing that THING. That thing for me is running. I've never claimed to be a runner. Never desired to be one.

I'm the girl who failed PE class once!

Know how easy it is to pass PE? Dress out.
Know how easy it is to fail? Don't dress out.

I could say I had a bad year, another new school, wrong group of friends, but the truth of the matter was I hated PE with a passion. I was skinny. I had no need for it. I didn't enjoy it. I wasn't as athletic as most. Most of all I did not want to get hit in the face with a ball. Not for fear of messing up my pretty little face - but for fear of breaking my glasses. The ones we couldn't afford for 2 years and could not afford to replace! PE to me was the worst class ever - except Senior year. I got to walk and play bad mitton - it was great. That I didn't mind and I didn't feel as if I looked totally stupid or like I was making a fool of myself.

You know I didn't even do the Mom race at the kids school for fear of looking stupid. Stupid uh?

Now, here I am thinkging its possible that I could be some sort of runner...I've got to be out of my mind, right?

Surely, I could do it or at least lightly jog. Get to a pace I was comfortable at and then slowly work my way to uncomfortable zones, push myself a little more each time, build it up until the day that I am actually really running, right? Surely, it is possible. If a 52-year-old woman can pull a car uphill...

...I can run right?

Why running?

• It's something I can do on my own.
• It doesn't require a gym.
• I can be outside.
• I can put my music on and just go.
• It is supposed to burn major calories.
• It would give me sexy legs (I think).
• I think it would be a major stress relief.

Quotes:

"You have been critizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." Louise L Hay

"It's too hard when I have to & easy when I want to."

"I am strong".

"1 pound = 3,500 calories."

Written: 11.4.11

I didn't workout today or yesterday or the day before! I'm not sure why either! I kept thinking about running. Today I would have gone to HIIT class for the first time, but I'd already committed myself to something else. That something else? Eating out with friends at Jamie's Oliver's restraunt in Cambridge. I've no idea how many calories were in what I ate, but I'm going to google it when I get back home. Today, I've so far eaten 1 cup of Multi-Grain Cheerios with Tessco's whole milk, less than 4% fat. I only used enough to cover the cereal and I did not drink what was left.

Written: 11.9.11

November, November, November...you have been so cruel to me! You haven't given me a gain yet, but the new workouts you are throwing my way are totally KILLER!

That HIIT class kicks my butt! I've been 3 times now. Friday was great, hard, and very sweaty. Monday - sucked! There was a lot of running involved, which I want to become a better runner, but wow! Didn't expect to be run, run, running. Then I was an idiot and met with a personal trainer that afternoon! I got my ass handed to me!

Needless to say moving on Tuesday took a lot of work and crying out in pain. I even went in for a massage - I'm not sure that it helped much, but it felt good. I'm already booked in for another one on the 15th. I wasn't sure if I should go workout today or not, so I asked on the FB group and they all, including my mother said, "GO TO CLASS!"

So guess where I went today? Yep, HIIT class. It was really rough. I hope my muscles get used to this soon - cause I hate being one of the last to finish.

P90X: You continue to tempt me, but oh Tony how you ANNOY me.

Anyway, I was talking to my sister Holly. She has 21.2 to lose and I have 25.4. I'm catching up to her. I asked her if she wanted to do something crazy with me. This is how our conversation went:

T: Wanna do something crazy with me?
H: No.
T: Please.
H: Depends on what it is.
T: Run a 5K.
H: 5K?
T: 3.1 miles.
H: That's not crazy!
T: No those 1/2 marathons are, they're 13 miles!
H: Lets do that!
T: Are you serious?
H: Dead serious.

So now, I think SHE is crazy! With my poor math skills I'm guessing we could possibly do it in 3-4 hours. I hope I'll be in enough shape for it. It's December 18th. I think that's a Sunday. I've got to make sure I am going to EVERY HIIT class and getting with that personal trainer. I want to be in the best shape I can be. It would break my heart to hold her back, but I'd also like to finish with her.

~T~