Returning to America

As the time gets closer and closer I find myself looking forward to a great many things. I'll admit these next 16 months are going to be difficult, shoot it's been rather difficult since Christmas to tell you the truth. I think I screwed myself over by going home Christmas 2011. 

My husband was deployed over Christmas for the 1st time & I didn't want to spend it alone. So the kids & I flew home to be with family. We had a great time. I missed David like crazy, but our families helped us through it. Sadly, this past Christmas all I wanted was to pack up and fly home...all 4 of us, this time. Even though I had my husband home, I really didn't enjoy Christmas too much and it is my favorite holiday. I learned why though...it's because of family and all the fun we have when we are all together like that.

Thing is the flights from London to Kansas City are expensive! It's not something one can afford to do very often, especially when you need 4 plane tickets! If it wasn't I'd have gone home more often over the last 6 years. So as the time drawls closer and closer to an end I find myself going through a great many emotions. 

I'm excited, I can't wait, I'm stressed, I'm killing time, I'm staying busy, I'm thinking about all the 'if this or if that's" and I'm racing from one race to the next...in an essence, I'm running my way home. 

Sure, I'll miss people, places and things in England, but I am beyond ready to go home. I know, I say home and people think I'm headed to Ohio or Missouri. Truth is I've no idea where I'm headed. I won't know until probably this time next year, but I will be in America! There will NOT be an ocean in my way & if I want to drive to see someone or go home for Christmas then by golly I will! I will because it won't cost me $2,500+ to do so. I will because 6 years is a really long time to be away and I really miss our family!

Each day I notice something or realize something that I'm looking forward to back in America. Here are a few I've written down recently: 

• A dresser - I don't have a dresser here. Our Armour will not fit upstairs in our bedroom. 
• Closets, proper closets! I can't stand these big ugly bulky wardrobes.
• Blended hot/cold water out of the facets.
• A non-killing dishwasher. The one we have tries to break legs and fingers or tip over on you!
• Normal sized appliances!!!
• Being able to drive from point A to B without an ocean in my way.
• Seeing our family
• Running races with my Mom, Sisters, Nieces, Best Friends and anyone else who wants to run.
• A new house - after 6 years in the same one...I need a fresh one, fresh start, clean slate =)
• A deep freeze...so I can buy things in bulk again. Like 1/2 a cow.
• Not having to use transformers due to different electricity.
• Knowing that if I go to store A I will find just what I'm looking for instead of going on a treasure hunt from A, B to C!
• Walmart, Target, Hobby Lobby...that list could get long.
• Girl weekends!
• Camping!!! =)
• Seeing new places
• Knowing which hotels to book and how many beds without feeling as if I've been given an algebra exam!
• Playing on the lake in the summertime
• Sunshine, suntans, sunburns...SUN, SUN and SUN!!!
• Blue skies & stars at night

...and that is just to list a few! I could go on and on. I just might over the next 16 months add to this list. Y'all might get real tired of hearing about it haha. There are things I'm going to miss too...perhaps I should make a list of those as well. 

Truth is, had this been a 4 year assignment we'd have known we were done and not extended, but you can't go back and change your mind ya know? So you deal with it, you move and truth be told I'd have missed out on a lot had we left. 

If we had not extended we would have left England September 2011. Instead we extended and my husband deployed July 2011. We knew that would happen, we also knew we could handle it...although I was dreading Christmas without him. We thought more stability for the kids while we have the chance, more time to see more places, do more things, make more money...it seemed like we had every reason to stay. 1 year later...we were thinking otherwise. 

However, September 2011 is also the month when I said to myself, "Tonya, you are out of shape, you are fat, you are unhappy with you, you are bored out of your mind, you don't want to look like this or worse so get up and do something about it!" 

I started working out at home. I lost about 7-10 lbs and then I went to the gym November 2011. 

• I started HIIT class & hired Herman, a personal trainer.
• December 2011, ran a 1/2 marathon with my sister (no training, crazy idea)
• I worked really hard to lose as much as I could before David returned in January...by then I'd lost 16 lbs.
• I didn't quit when David got home, I kept going. 
• I started challenging myself a bit more, signing up for crazy events.
• I put myself out there more and more, stopped being such a hermit. 
• I've lost weight, approx. 25-30 lbs, depending on the day.
• I've gained muscle, confidence, strength, endurance, energy, and most of all belief in myself and my abilities. 
• I became a personal trainer, group instructor and level 1 CrossFit trainer.
• I've done mud runs, obstacle courses, 1/2 marathons and a full marathon!
• I competed in a fitness challenge; Ultra Eagle Competition.
• I've made amazing friends! Some of the best out there, so motivational, encouraging, supportive, bossy, and fun. Plus most all of them like coffee.

If we had left...I'd have none of the above. You know that scripture in Ecclesiastes about there being a time for everything? 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in their toil - this is a gift of God. 

Being a military wife there is a lot of planting and uprooting...learning how to grow where you are planted is the difficult part, but once you figure it out guess what happens? You find satisfaction in your toil once again. Took me 3 years to find that here in England and I'm extremely grateful for it and all I've learned. 

So yes, I want to go home. I am counting down the days. I am staying busy, but I am mindful of the fact that God put us in England for a reason. I may not be a 100% sure of the reason/s...all I can do is pray that we accomplished a few or a part of them during our time here. 

I can't wait to go home, but I must also make the most of the time I have left in this wonderful country where I've learned and grown so much. By keeping that thought in mind, perhaps I won't be too big a downer to others just arriving as I'm counting down these days. =) 

I've seen people come, seen them go, seen more come and seen them go too, but soon...very soon, it will be our turn. I can't wait to see what new adventure is out there for us!