Facebook: A blessing and A curse.

Every once in a while something occurs within our lives that causes us to pause a moment, take a look in the mirror, a step back, stumble and perhaps even trip and fall. That ‘something’ can hurt our feelings, make us mad, and make us cry, make us laugh and cause us to question ourselves.
Recently, I had a ‘something’ occur via Facebook and I should probably leave well enough alone, but a certain comment hit me pretty hard. It got my heart rate up, made me walk away from my computer before I hastily typed back unkind negativity. Controlling my tongue is not easy; it never has been. However the comment did get a rise out of me and I won’t lie to you…it hurt my feelings.

Now, I asked the question so perhaps I brought it upon myself; however, I never expected to receive a comment that felt as if it were blatantly aimed at me personally. I was shocked by the magnitude of it.

This morning I was praying to have some alone time on the treadmill. It just so happens I got it. I took my son to school this morning with his science fair project and had 2 hours to myself. “C” also didn’t show up this morning, as a matter of fact the gym was fairly quiet. I put my ear buds in, turned up the volume and just ran. 11 minutes & 1 mile later, my head was slightly clearer.

Yet, I couldn’t shake the comment completely off. So I’m doing what I do best when something has gotten under my skin. I’m writing. The question was:

What’s a detail you wish people wouldn’t share on Facebook?

I’d seen the question posted on SITS and thought to myself, “This will generate some responses”. So I asked it of my family and friends too. For the most part, I love comments, I really do…if you’re reading this you could leave me one {wink, wink}. However, this comment left me questioning myself, taking a moment to reflect and check myself.

“People vaguely begging for affirmation or giving us a play by play of their weight loss journey drives me nuts. Just to clarify something from above (p.s. I love you Emily), I sweat my a$$ off at the gym every day. I mean I really kill it, but I don’t ever post about it because it does hurt other people. No body honestly cares. I think the occasional post about an accomplishment is awesome and well deserved, but some posts begin to become obsessive, some even proud. Everyone can be happy for their friends losing weight or going to the gym, but a lot of our close friends are struggling with their weight and the last thing they want to see day in and day out is how their friends pants are falling down, how they can’t believe how good they look, does anyone need some size whatever’s because they don’t fit me anymore. I used to be a personal trainer/group fitness instructor and have a degree in phys ed, so I love to celebrate peoples accomplishments, but I don’t believe we need to be proud about anything. I also hate the list of stuff people have accomplished throughout the day like planted a field of corn, did 5 loads of laundry, emptied the dishwasher, baked homemade bread…all before the kids were awake, now what else will the day bring maybe a 15 mile bike ride, restock the fridge, make Thanksgiving dinner and take the kids to the park…Omg!! Facebook doesn’t give out medals folks!”

I felt attacked by this comment and did not appreciate it. Yes, most of my Facebook statuses revolve around my weight loss, gym time, and even sometimes a list of whatever I might be doing. My statuses usually are something about MY life or what is going on in MY life. If you don’t like it you don’t have to read it. You can ‘hide’ my statuses or even unfriend me, you have choices. I spend approximately 5 days a week at the gym. About 8 hours a week if you want to get technical. What do you think a main topic might be?

Now, here’s the thing I do not post said statuses in order to receive any type of affirmation. It is nice to receive, yes…it does make one feel good, but I do not beg or ask for it. Shoot, sometimes I am unsure how to respond…you can only say “Thank you” so many times before you feel like you should find something better to say!

I also work my tail off at the gym…I have been since Nov. 2011! I’ve overcome a lot of hurdles and the personal accomplishments I’ve made have been huge! It’s exciting to me. I feel good about it and yes, maybe sometimes I appear proud. And I do not mean to come off as if I’m boasting about anything. 9 times out of 10 I’m shocked with myself, can’t believe I did it or accomplished it. Do you know what I mean?

Like the first assessment I had done, my trainer wanted me to lift 260 pounds on the leg press and immediately I said I couldn’t. He said “you will and you’ll do it 20 times” and I did! I was so amazed with myself. Not proud, not boasting, not seeking affirmation…simply amazed. That in itself is reward enough; knowing I accomplished it. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want to share that? I don’t think so.

I do not share my accomplishments to hurt anyone. That is never my intention or aim, if anything I pray that what share is encouraging, inspiring and motivating. My Mom and best friend are struggling with their weight…many of my friends are – I would never wish to hurt them.

As a matter of fact after reading the comment I called my Mom, Jenny and spoke with a few other friends to find out if I had hurt their feelings in anyway by my Facebook statuses about my weight loss journey. They ALL said, “No”. So unless they are all lying to me – then I find that part of the comment false…just as I do the “Nobody honestly cares”.

If nobody honestly cared I wouldn’t receive messages and comments like this:

·        You are welcome, I just love the site. I get all excited when I get notification of a new post. I hurry up and see what you have for us next, and always leave the site with some new information, a great recipe, and TONS of motivation!!!! It is SO sweet of you to include all of us, and take your time to share! I love ya ~T~, you have a heart of gold!

·        OMG (oh my gosh!!!) LOL....I just had to let you know, I lost yet another pound this morning, for a total of 25 now. My stuck point lasted an entire month (of losing and gaining the same two pounds). At times I was ready to throw in the towel, but then I would read something you would write, or see something that you were doing, so I would plug along and hang in there, and NOW it has paid off! Officially at my halfway point too, I am 169 today, and I am thinking another 25 will put me at 144, and somewhere right around there should be good for me at my height. I am feeling SO good, it is great to get dressed in the morning and be happy with the way I look, and have clothes to choose from again, instead of just what still fits. I know you are no big fan of the nutrisystem or jenny craig and all, but it has really taught me portion control, and what I should be eating and when. I am already transitioning, you know, throwing in an appropriate meal of my own here and there. Going to be trying your spaghetti sauce recipe real soon. Just wanted to let you know, my journey has been easier and more enjoyable because I have had you with me throughout!

·        Wota great idea...if I can lose weight...so can anybody...I am a self-confessed...Chocaholic and pudding type of girl...with a bit of savory thrown in for good measure....I have lost 27lbs since January & I have mobility problems to add to the mix with MS…so come on join Tonya’s new blog for encouragement…Tonya is an inspiration…I haven’t know anyone so enthusiastic about the Gym…must be her instructor…probably a ‘dish’ lol.

·        My daughter wrote this! Does she know how to hit the spot or what? I could read her stuff all day. Thanks Tonya I needed this today.

·        I really needed to read this post today, especially the beginning portion, where you wrote: “I don’t want to just scratch the surface anymore. I’m tired of not finishing. Half-way leaves you hung in the balance; it doesn’t take you down or move you forward. You’re just stuck.” I’m going to do my best today to dig deeper and give 100% of myself to my workout and to my food plan.  And tomorrow I’ll do the same thing. And while I take each day as it comes I will continue to recommit myself, because I do believe I’m made to shine.

·        I enjoyed this post immensely!!! You are so right on point with many of the issues.

·        You have no idea how motivational you are, and you’re right, I do need my ‘fix’ already. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see someone put themselves out there and offer to help others. You are doing a great job paying it forward! Thank you!!!

·        It is most inspirational to see and hear about your journey.

Does that sound like nobody cares to you? It’s not affirming my accomplishments…it’s affirming my belief that sharing the journey is ‘helpful’ not ‘hurtful’ to others.

Do you know how many blogs there are out there on weight loss journeys? A lot! Everybody is sharing their struggles, their triumphs, their motivators, their de-motivators, healthy recipes, what’s working for them and isn’t, exercises…they are not doing it to receive some type of instant gratification. They are doing it because that’s what we as people do. We share the journey of our life with others, because we never know who it might impact, who might be blessed from it that day or what we might learn from them. If we didn’t share these things with those around us and even the World Wide Web…well then we might as well become a hobbit.  

It's not different than sharing your journey as a Mom, Military wife, going through a deployment, pet owner, new career, scrapbooking, cooking, couponing, or whatever -everyone is on a journey and everyone tends to share that journey in some way with other people.

I do believe the good Lord made us to be in communication and relationships with others…we were not created for isolation. Isolation equals depression. If we don’t share the things of our life then what have we to say?

I don’t expect Facebook to give me a medal. I don’t need one. Knowing I lasted that last 45 seconds, that I made it to the gym, that I made good choices for me that day – it is really all reward enough on its own. I simply enjoy sharing my journey and excitement with others and pray that it motivates them. I would never want to bring them down.

I recently read this quote posted on none-other than Facebook:

“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just Focus, and keep aiming”

1. What are some things that people have said to you that drag you back, cause you to stumble, trip and fall?

2. How do you overcome them and remain focused and aiming to reach your goals?

3. What are some of the positive things people have said to you during your journey?

4. What are some of the annoying things they’ve said???

5. Does reading about other’s journey help you or hurt you?

It is my sincerest hope that none of my statuses or posts have offended or hurt any of you in any way. I want the very best for you – not to hurt you.

Have a beautiful day and I look forward to hearing some of your answers. I know there are some good ones out there! The top annoying one for me is..."you don't need to lose any weight". I also know you are going to be something GREAT! Focus…and keep aiming.

~T~