The 3 F’s: Fitness, Focus and Friendship.

Fitness: The state or condition of being physically sound and healthy, especially as the result of exercise and proper nutrition.

Focus: to fix attention (on); concentrate

Friendship: friendly feeling or disposition

What do these 3 things have in common other than starting with an “F”? Well, for starters they make one heck of a combo in keeping you healthy. I am speaking from experience here, maybe you haven’t had this type of an experience, but I have and I learned a lot from it.

As a kid/teen growing up I struggled with friendships. I moved around a lot, so I always had to make new friends. It was never easy. I got picked on a lot for a variety of different reasons and each left their mark. By the time I reached high school I had a handful of friends; a few I viewed as close friends and a couple I viewed as best friends. Some things happened in my life that eventually showed me their true identity. It was a hard pill to swallow.

After graduation, I was planning a wedding and having a baby. Life was moving on at lightning speed. I spent time with my family, my extended family and I worked as a nursing assistant. My husband used to question my lack of friends. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I thought I was happy. I had him, my baby girl and my family was nearby.

Eventually, we moved away. I was pregnant with our son. I was 24-hours away from home. I was living in a tiny apartment and afraid to leave for fear I wouldn’t find my way back to it. Growing up in the sticks with no real ‘city-life’ experience can have a few downfalls. Not only that I am amazing at getting lost, never fails!

After our son was born, I battled with some pretty big depression. My husband kept trying to get me to go out with different people; make friends. One time I finally went and I hated every minute of it! I tried to have a good time, but these married women were at this club dancing with all these strangers – which dancing and having a good time I’m okay with – pretending your single while doing it I’m not okay with. I listened as woman after woman berated her husband. I saw a few things I didn’t need to see. I didn’t hide my marital status from a single person and yet some dude had the balls to ask me what I’d do if he kissed me! I politely (haha) informed him of exactly what I’d do; needless to say he did not attempt it. I drank too much and feared what my actions might have been had I lost control…I’m learning I like to have a little control in certain areas of my life. Which I find strange as I never pegged myself as a “in-control” type. I never went out with these women again.

I had managed somehow to make a few friends, yet I didn’t seem to have one that just really fit. I enjoyed my time with them; don’t get me wrong…but that close knit feeling was never there. I started to really struggle with myself image, my weight. My marriage suffered some major blows and it is a miracle that we’ll be celebrating 13 years in August. My husband knew the importance of friends…when I didn’t. He knew I was struggling, but I don’t think he knew how to help me. I didn’t even know how to help me or realize how much I was struggling until I hit rock bottom and nearly lost it all.

We moved again and landed in Ohio – a place that has a pretty tight hold on my heart. It was there that I started to really get some help. It started with some counseling, met Tara Fisher, joined a group of women called the Mom 2 Mom ministry, was part of a cell group and met a woman named Jenny Hewitt. My marriage somehow got back on track…not that it was easy. What’s that saying? “Nothing worth having is easy”? I love that and it is absolutely true. I made some real friends; authentic friends, friends that to this day I can call on.

Jenny Hewitt became a very special friend – even if we got off on the wrong foot. Never in my life have I told someone, “I didn’t like you” and then been blessed with their friendship. Crazy turn of events if I do say so. Somehow I ended up joining the YMCA and working out with Jenny. We trained for my first 5K together and we ran it together. She challenged me, pushed me and always, always had to beat me. She’s extremely competitive! It’s one of the many things I love about her.

Our schedules changed and our ability to connect at the gym became non-existent. The weight I’d lost while working out with her came back…with vengeance. I suppose some medications I was on and the stressful time of preparing to move internationally helped aid it along. When we arrived in England I was somewhere between 145-150 pounds. I remember the day I stepped on the scale and it read 155. It made me pretty upset.

I wanted to lose weight…but I was stuck in some sort of a rut that I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of. I tried working out at home and it would be okay for a week or so…then I’d miss a day and another and another. I started riding my bike because I enjoy being outside. That helped a little, yet something was still missing. I had nothing to focus on and no friend to push me along. I couldn’t seem to STICK with it and that frustrated me.

Then last summer something clicked. I wish I could put my finger on what it was. I believe a few things built up together and just sort of smacked my upside the head.

1.   I hated every photo I was in.

2.   I was about 10 pounds less than my Mom.

3.   I didn’t feel attractive.

4.   I was miserable and making others that way too.

5.   I had no motivation, no energy.

6.   I wanted to be a healthier example to my kids.

7.   I wanted a slimmer figure.

8.   I wanted to see David’s jaw hit the floor when he returned from deployment.

9.   I was tired of being lazy and viewed as lazy.

10.            I wanted more for ME.

Any of you got a list like that?

After my visit home and realizing I was now 160 pounds I decided I’d better get busy. I started HIIT and training with “H”. I’ve made some great progress and I’m happy with it. I’m ready to take it to the next level and see more…which is probably a bit insane. I feel like if I don’t, I’ll never reach the goals I’ve set and I’m just not in the mood to fail this time. Isn't there a quote that says, "Failure is not an option"?

I’ve found a few things to focus on.

1.   Being the best wife & mother I can be.

2.   Being the healthiest version of ME possible.

3.   Looking good in photos.

4.   Reaching goals & making new ones.

5.   Seeing myself do things I’d never dreamed or even considered attempting.

At first it was all about impressing the man I’m married to and somewhere along the lines that focus turned inward and the change I believe has been a huge factor in the success I’m having. It may sound selfish to focus on yourself…but I read and believe “Fitness is unselfish ME time”. So get a little selfish.

Do I have Jenny here to push me? Challenge me? Look over and she if she beat me on distance or calories burned? Nope. So how am I managing? By continuing to put myself out there day after day after day. Jenny can want this for me and I can want it for her, but she cannot get it for me, can she? See why you have to be a little selfish? YOU are the only one who can do this for YOU.

However, having that friend, that encourager, that person that pushes you just a little bit further is huge. So huge in fact that it is the reason I attend HIIT. There is always someone there to say “Good job” or high-five ya on the way out. It is the reason I pay “H” to train me. He always pushes me further than I would myself. Plus, i'm not sure how to work all those weight machines.

Together those two reasons make me want to rise to new challenges – so I sign up and see what I can do. The camaraderie between the people that compete in these challenges is amazing and another reason to keep on keeping on.

Can you do this Fitness thing alone? Sure. Can you do it without a Focus? Maybe. Can you do it without a friend? Possibly. To me though, that sounds pretty darn boring and sad. What if you are out there running a 5K in an attempt to beat your personal record and you succeed but there is no-one there to congratulate you or give you that high five? Who is going to know you set a new PR? Just YOU.

If you are okay with that – then rock on, but personally I think fitness, focus and friendship all work together to help you be all you can be, reach all those goals and succeed in all those challenges. Reminds me of a scripture actually.

Ecclesiastes 4:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

I believe that scripture is about marriage, but if you look at fitness, focus and friendship as a cord of 3 strands that is not quickly broken – then I’d say you’ve a pretty powerful force to be reckoned with. If you got all 3 going then that force is YOU. When you tap into it…you’ll know it and you’ll find yourself impressed with, well…You.

If you are finding yourself struggling with your fitness – check your focus, check your friendships. If something is missing or lacking aim to fix it and see if it improves your success. That’s the advice I have for you today. I hope it helps you in your journey to self-discovery and being as beautiful as you want to be.

~T~